11 Scary Vagina Facts That Will Make You Squirm

Drawings of different kinds of vaginas, colorful

Image by Wanda Felsenhardt

 

Yeast infections can be the worst. Period cramps can be agonizing. Giving birth can be the worse pain a woman can endure.

 

But...

 

The magical vagina doesn't stop there. Here are eleven more things that can 

 

 

#1. PEEING OUT OF THE VAGINA


 

If you weren’t paying attention in health class, women do NOT pee out of their vagina. They pee out of their urethra (a tiny hole just above the opening to the vagina). However, women who go through really long births (as high as 75%) might end up with a “urogenital fistula”.

 

It’s a fissure between the bladder and the vagina (ouch), which can cause uncontrollable urine flow through the hoohaw.

 

If you’re lucky enough to live in a country with access to health care, it can be fixed with simple surgery. But in impoverished places, women who end up with this problem are often shamed and ostracized.

 

NOTE: Childbirth isn’t the only culprit. There are pelvic injuries and radiotherapy etc.

 

 

#2. YOU CAN BE BORN WITHOUT ONE


 

Around 1 in 5000 women are affected by a congenital disorder called “vaginal agenesis” – where the vagina either grows shortened or not at all.

 

It’s not usually found until into puberty (or later) because everything looks okay on the outside. She’ll even have a clit and be capable of orgasms. But when they notice period problems, that’s usually when it’s diagnosed.

 

Whether or not an affected woman can have children, depends if the uterus and other reproductive organs developed correctly.

 

 

#3. YOUR GRANDMA USED LYSOL


 

We still have false and predatory advertising nowadays – just look at cock pump ads. But in the early 20th century it was WAY worse. Children-smoking-cigarettes-worse.

 

Lysol marketed their disinfectant as something ladies could spray up their vaginas as a douche to feel “clean and fresh” for their husbands (or the men would leave them for someone fresher). The worst part? Many women bought into the idea.

 

Old advertisment of feminine hygiene

 

 

#4. THE MYSTERIOUS CASE OF VULVODYNIA


 

The vagoo will experience pain, burning, and itching. But the scary part is that doctors don’t know what causes it.

 

So, the term Vulvodynia is doctor speak for “something’s wrong but we have no idea what’s going on.”  It could be linked to weak pelvic floor muscles, infections, or injuries around your nether regions.

 

 

#5. MORE INFECTIONS WHEN YOU’RE OLDER


 

Most grown women know the discomfort of a UTI (urinary tract infection). You have to pee every 5 minutes and it burns like a bastard when you do. But, oh joy of joys, they are even MORE common when your estrogen levels drop as you age.

 

Frigging fantastic. Not.

 

 

#6. PAINFUL VAGINISMUS


 

Vaginismus or vaginism happens when there’s pain when a woman tries to put something in her vagina – a tampon, toys, fingers, menstruation cup, doctor’s exam, a penis etc.

 

The problem is, women who suffer from this will experience things in different extremes and for different reasons. It can be physical things like chronic infections, mental causes like stress, or a combination of things like the physical and mental damage that comes with rape.

 

Want to know more?

20 Reasons There's Pain During Sex - For Woman and Men

 

 

#7. IT CAN GROW TEETH … SORT OF


 

Okay, ridiculous horror movies aside, there are rare instances where the vagina can grow pseudo chompers.

 

It’s a bit complicated, but, in layman's terms, your body has different kinds of cells. One kind is called “pluripotential cells” – they are master cells that can replicate themselves to create any cell or tissue the body needs to repair itself.

 

There is an extremely rare chance that a master cell can create a dermoid cyst – these kinds of cysts can grow skin, sweat glands, hair, bone, brain matter, and teeth. If the cyst on the ovaries ruptures, it can work its way down and grow from parts of the vagina.

 

Hence, vagina teeth.

 

Human flesh in jar, showing teeth growing in unsual places

 

 

#8. VAGINAL FISSURES


 

Aka. Vaginal CRACKING. Yep … let that sink in. Cracking.

 

Compared to other problems, this one is straightforward. It comes from sex.

 

Low estrogen levels (which cause vaginal dryness and thinning of the skin in that area), herpes, infections, rough sex, or sex without lube.

 

You at least have control over the lube part. Learn more...

The Best Lubes - A Comprehensive Guide on the Slick Stuff

 

 

#9. IT CAN GET LUMPS


 

You thought your period was bad enough? Well, your reproductive years also bring a 77% chance of uterine tumors – Aka. Fibroids. The good news, only 0.1% are cancerous. They also go away once you get menopause.
 

 


#10. IT WANTS SEX … ALL THE TIME


 

This WOULD sound like someone’s dream, but it’s not as wonderful as it sounds. Aside from ALWAYS being (intensely) sexually aroused, you can have spontaneous orgasms.

 

So, imagine trying to sit in a meeting about quarterly projections but the boss’ voice can’t be heard over your moans. How easy would it be to hold down a job? Could you get any work done? It can be quite debilitating.
 

 

#11. THINGS CAN … DROP


 

I’ve saved the best for last. Vaginal prolapses!

 

They look utterly terrifying. So, if you’re squeamish, I would stop reading now.

 

Soooo…

 

Sometimes the upper part of the vagina can lose its shape, sag, … and drop into the vaginal canal and sometimes bulge out the vaginal opening. It can get worse too. Sometimes the uterus, bladder, and/or rectum can go with it.

 

The solution depends on the health of the woman. There are Kegel exercises (which every woman should be doing anyway), insertable devices, or surgery.

 

Learn more about Kegel exercises here...

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. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 

Still with me? Do you need a hug? 

 

Before you run off to the doctor, remember that many of these problems are rare. However, if you do have one or know someone who does, a loving support system and medical care will help.

 

Have a great day!

Robyn

 

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